Woke up this morning and got
myself the remote control.
I decided to give Marco Polo a try and I find it’s the
first day in ages that it’s not the highlighted show on my Netflix which is a
little funny. I can’t escape it for a couple of weeks and when I finally decide
to turn it on, I’ll have to search for it. The highlight is for a show called
Broadchurch and it’s about two British people who are shocked over a murder
apparently. Shocked British people are
usually worth watching, at least initially, but for now, I have a mission.
The Wayfarer is the title of
the first Marco Polo episode. It
begins when some small print alerts me to the fact I’ll be entering into the realm
of Kublai Kahn. It mentions the city of Xiangyang. I don’t know where this is
because somebody keeps changing the English spelling of Chinese places every few
years leaving me geographically confused. I don’t know why. Where ever it is,
the people inside are fighting off the Mongol Horde. These people have my
complete sympathy because a Mongol Horde is a fearful thing. Possibly they are
defending a City Wok.
The Polos are undaunted by
all this scariness because they plunge right in anyway. The opening scene after
the history lesson is one of a burned out village with impaled bodies
everywhere. Yuck! The speaker, who is one of the characters, says it’s what happens
if you don’t submit to Kahn. If I were in that situation, I’d be busy
submitting right away. It’s been my experience that there are no politicians
worth impaling yourself over. Team Polo stumbles into the middle of all this
death and destruction, and a bunch of them get killed right off the bat. That’s
what I call a deterrent to friendly trade.
I figure out which guy is supposed
to be Marco Polo in this party of decreasing members because of the number of
camera shots dedicated to him. He kind of looks like he wandered off the set of
Jesus Christ Superstar, or maybe that’s
just me. Anyway, he’s in trouble now because he’s been taken prisoner by some Mongols
though I don’t think there are enough of them to constitute a horde, but they’re
more heavily armed than the Polos.
I’m now concerned that I’ve
already written too many spoilers and try to calm the hell down and do more watching
than I’m writing. I take a deep breath and search for my inner tenth grader who
wasn’t concerned with writing down every high point for the book report.
Three Polos make it to Khan:
Uncle Polo, Father Polo and Marco Polo. They have to crawl in on their hands
and knees to approach the Emperor Kahn. Right away they get into a religious
conversation with him and I am concerned. Who doesn’t know that religion and politics
are terrible discussion topics? I have to say that Kublai Kahn seems a sort of
reasonable guy, except for the whole crawling into his presence thing. That
would have to suck. I think my knees
might crumble right out from under me. I wonder if Kahn would allow me to scoot
into his presence on my butt?
Father Polo, who is not a
priest, but Marco’s dad, tosses old Marco to Khan like a bone almost
immediately in order to be able to trade along the Silk Road which is pretty
crappy behavior in my opinion. Marco isn’t exactly thrilled about this, but it’s
too late, he’s stuck. I’m not going to over-spoil this review and transcribe everything
I see, but I have to say that Marco Polo’s dad is kind of a dick, except when
he’s not.
All this happens before the
opening credits. The credits are beautifully done by the way. They’re all
running ink and pictures of Chinese type stuff, like impaled villagers and
horses looking alarmed.
I also realized that what I
knew about Marco Polo and the Silk Road, you could keep in your hat, so I
wanted to see how far from reality the writers and producers had strayed. The
first thing I found was this: Silk Road
Marketplace .
It’s fascinating reading and
has nothing to do with the real Silk Road or Marco Polo, but it’s topical as in
happening right now, so you might be interested in reading it as well. This is
the image that caught my eye ->
I was looking for a map of
the original Silk Road, but come on, what casual internet searcher wouldn’t
click on this link? Of course now I’ve used up all my spare time and the real
Silk Road research will have to wait. I’ve got to do something that actually
gets me paid today instead of randomly clicking around on the internet. Possibly
I will type up a Silk Road history lesson for a later post.
I’ve figured out that
Netflix Originals means that at some point I’ll be forced to look at naked
women whether I want to or not. I have to say, boobies are not that big of a
draw for me, and frankly I’m tired of having random hooters stuck in my face. I don’t
need that kind of titillation. I have the internet; I can get my simulated sex
acts from other places if I feel the need. I resent being treated like a
hormonal teenage boy by every show I try to watch. If as a writer or producer
you feel the need to insert naked women all through your show to keep people watching,
you should really check your script. How
about an interesting story instead? Wouldn’t
that be novel? I didn’t watch Netflix’s werewolf show, though I might have
liked it, because the very first scene opened with two teenagers humping in a
car. I figured if the creators were resorting to fake sex to get my attention,
the rest of the show couldn’t be that riveting. There are three separate gratuitous
nudity scenes in the Marco Polo pilot
episode. They don’t advance the plot and they’re not that interesting. It’s just “Here! Have some soft-core porn in
case you’re otherwise bored!” by this production. And truthfully, I kind of am.
Kublai Kahn is attacking the walled city; Marco isn’t having a good time yet,
especially after he gets a blind Kung Fu master who keeps kicking his ass.
Following the tradition of true Kung Fu masters everywhere, he spouts wise
sayings while he’s whupping up on Marco Polo, but it’s just one more scene
between naked people. I love a good Kung Fu movie. I do, but this feels tossed
in to try and make the script have broader appeal to more teenage boys who like
fighting when they’re not looking at boobies.
Outside the walled city, the
Mongol Horde realizes they may be outnumbered in the knife fight, but at least
they have really good armor. Back in town, a potential love interest is
introduced followed by more naked women running around. When there is actual acting going on, it’s
decent, but I don’t feel any real charisma emanating from the characters. Kahn,
instead of being a scary Tony Soprano type guy with a terrible haircut, is just
kind of blah. Possibly this is the fault of the direction. I honestly don’t
know. The Marco Polo character is kind of just strolling through his scenes. He
doesn’t seem very emotionally attached to what’s happening to him. Maybe that’s
manly in the 13th century. Again, I plead ignorance.
An interesting, engaging
television program needs charismatic lead characters and an interesting and
engaging script. Of course great acting and good looking sets don’t hurt
either, but if the storyline is weak and the leads aren’t magnetic, you can add
all the nudity and Kung Fu events you want and you still won’t get much of a
viewership.
It’s been my experience that pilot shows are frequently awkward and
sometimes not as good as the shows that follow it so I need to give Marco Polo a second view. I’m not drawn
to it the way I am to say, Lillyhammer where I can’t turn off the TV until I
see what happens in every stinking episode until there are no more to watch.
Twice. Too bad Little Steven doesn’t star in Marco Polo. Now that would be a show.
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